Self Destruct
by TashaVal
Summary: Why is it that people don’t start to care until it’s too late? Only when you hit rock bottom do they see all the signs and clues you’ve been stringing along for them.
1. Prolouge

**Title: Self Destruct**

**Author: Tashuh Valery**

**Summary: Why is it that people don't start to care until it's too late? Only when you hit rock bottom do they see all the signs and clues you've been stringing along for them.**

**Disclaimer: J.K. Rowlings owns all the rights to Harry Potter, but I'd be happy if I could have Draco for maybe even just five minutes.**

**Rating: M for sex, drugs and language (Don't like, don't read)**

**Pairings: Mostly HGDM**

**Prologue:**

**Why is it that people don't start to care until it's too late? Only when you hit rock bottom do they see all the signs and clues you've been stringing along for them.**

**That's why I'm laying here in St. Mungo's, having my body drained of the drugs I overdosed on and the cuts on my wrists magically salved. It took them years to realize I was in self destruct mode. My best friends had failed to realize that I no longer wanted to live and I was doing all I could to end my life.**

**Maybe it would have been different had my parents shown a bit more love. Maybe it would have been different had my best friends not been so keen on ignoring me. Maybe it would have been different had I not given my fragile heart to a boy.**


	2. Chapter One

**Chapter One:**

**I was sitting on my bed, in the dark. In a week, I would be returning to Hogwarts for my seventh, and final, year. I had received my letter the week before, informing my I was Head Girl. I had wanted this honor for years, but now that I had it, I wanted it to go away.**

**I couldn't explain the feeling. I knew that it was the best honor a student could receive, but I didn't want it. Maybe I didn't want the added responsibilities. Or maybe it was because it would confirm the other students' beliefs that I was just a goody-two-shoes know-it-all. **

**I knew that was in no way true. At Hogwarts, I may seem uptight, but when I was back in Muggle London, I was nothing like that. My friends and I went to parties every weekend, smoking and drinking. I forgot about books and went after boys, often finding myself sneaking out of their houses in the morning. My parents didn't seem to care; they were too busy arguing and cheating on each other to realize their only daughter was in self-destruct mode.**

**I hadn't always been like this. When I started Hogwarts, I had been a goody-two-shoes know-it-all, but after years of ridicule and teasing, I had changed. By my fifteenth birthday, I was a steady smoker and drinker. I often snuck out to Hogsmeade while Harry and Ron thought I was in the library.**

**I still focused on my studies; I knew the benefits of a good education, but I also knew how much fun partying could be. I had found a way to balance the two.**

**I grabbed at the pack of cigarettes under my pillow and lit one. In an hour, I was going to go out with some of my friends. I was already dressed; a tight black tank top showed off an ample amount of cleavage and my short red skirt revealed an amount of leg that should be illegal. My hair was straight, falling to the middle of my back while my fringe was pinned back in a slight poof. My makeup was dark, as always. **

**I dropped the ashes into a makeshift ashtray and stood up. I walked over to my window, sitting on the sill, looking out. I lived in a London flat, up on the eighth floor. My window gave me a view of the busy street below me, filled with druggies, hookers and drunks.**

'**Ah, the joys of London at night.' I thought.**

**I looked at my clock. I had about forty five more minutes before I had to sneak out of the window and down the fire escape to meet my friends at the corner. I could easily go through the front door, my parents were both passed out drunk, but I liked the thrill of it all. Sometimes I wished I was like this at Hogwarts. I wanted to show the other students they had my all wrong.**

**I stood up and dropped the ashes out of the open window. I walked over to my desk, sitting on the rickety old chair. In front of me was Harry's latest letter. I got it yesterday and had yet to respond.**

_Dear Hermione,_

_How are you doing lately? I'm at the Burrow again and we were wondering when you're doing your Hogwarts shopping. We're going on Tuesday; maybe you could meet us there?_

_How have you been lately? We haven't heard from you lately. What have you been doing; burying your nose in another book?_

_We've been having a bloody good time here, playing quidditch and eating all of Molly's good food. Spirits have been high since Voldemort's been defeated._

_Well, if we don't see you in Tuesday, enjoy the last week of holidays and we'll see you on the train on the first!_

_Love, Harry_

**I had laughed when I read that Harry thought I spent my summer reading. I had decided to stay home this holiday, not going to the Burrow. I claimed I wanted to spend time with my parents, but I had just wanted to party my way through my last summer as a teenager.**

**Next to the letter was a pile of unread Daily Prophets. I had become uninterested in the news ever since all that was ever printed was stories about how the Golden Trio had destroyed Voldemort at the end of our sixth year.**

**Next to the desk, on the floor, was my Hogwarts trunk. It was open and clothing and other things spilled out onto the floor. I wasn't planning on packing it until the morning of the first when I was leaving. I was now seventeen and I used magic to do everything.**

**I moved over to stand in front of the trunk and dug to the bottom of the mess. In the bottom was a smaller case, a jewelry box. I undid the lock with my wand and opened it to reveal my stash. Little bags filled with crack, pot, more cigarettes, anything I needed. I grabbed a joint and lit it up, breathing in the sweetness.**

**I sat back down on the window sill after locking the box up and smoked until it was time to go. I snuffed the joint, decided it was too small to save and threw it in an empty Coke can on my desk. I grabbed my black leather jacket that covered more of my legs that my skirt and my tall, black boots. I walked to the window and climbed out of it. As the fire escape groaned with the new weight, I tensed up.**

**When no one came to investigate, I continued down the maze of ladders until I was on the ground. I slipped on the boots that came to above my knees and threw on the jacket that covered the rest of my outfit. I hurried around the corner and saw my friends waiting for me.**

"**Oi! Hurry up, Hermione!"**

**I flicked off Jesse, my tall, dark haired fuck buddy. Next to Jesse was Theresa, a platinum blonde bombshell, and beside her was Jake. I caught up with them and took a drink from Jesse's beer bottle. When I finished it, I threw it in the trash bin next to me.**

"**Where are we going tonight?"**

"**I don't know. You're our ticket in."**

**Theresa was right. If our fake ids didn't grant them entrance to clubs and bars, I would start flirting with the bouncers, showing more and more skin, which would usually get us in. If Jesse, Theresa and Jake weren't muggles, I would take them to a magic club, because we're all seventeen.**

"**Hooked?"**

"**Works for us."**

**I laughed and then headed down the street towards the spot we usually catch our taxi. I suggested Hooked because I had connection and we got in every time without trouble. I stuck my leg out a bit in the street, showing off some skin and raised my hand to hail a taxi. Almost instantly, one pulled up, driven by a rather ugly, perverted guy. The four of us climbed into the back seat and told the man to drive up to Hooked.**

**Ten minutes and fifteen pounds later, we were in front of Hooked. We all climbed out of the taxi and Theresa and I straightened our clothes. I felt Jesse's hands on my hips and didn't say a thing as he usually did this. We walked up to the doors where I greeted George.**

"**Hey George!" I screamed**

"**Hermione! How have you been lately?"**

"**Pretty good. I was wondering if my mates and I could get in tonight."**

"**Of course; anything for a pretty lady."**

"**Thanks!"**

**I smiled and led the others inside. The music was loud, the way we liked it, the dance floor crowded and the bar working at high speed. Jake, who was dating Theresa, grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor. We always separated, meeting up again later in the night. Jesse walked me to the bar with one arm around my waist.**

"**What do you want?" Jesse asked me.**

"**Rum and Coke."**

"**Okay."**

**Jesse ordered our drinks for us while I looked out onto the dance floor. Over towards the DJ, I saw a tall blonde guy dancing with a group of underdressed sluts. Jesse handed me my drink and I downed it, my eyes staying glued on the blonde. I was sure I'd seen him before, but couldn't figure it out. **

**I put my empty glass on the table and led Jesse near the man. I started dancing closely to him, opening my jacket to reveal my tank top and skirt. Jesse held me close to him, his knee propped in between my legs. I grinded into it and felt him starting to get an erection. I turned around and started rubbing my arse all over of his groin and I looked up at the blonde with a devious smile. **

**He was looking at me, still dancing with one of the sluts. I winked at him, running my hands up my sides. I turned back around leaned in close to Jesse's ear.**

"**Hey, could you go turn my jacket in and get me a beer?" I asked.**

"**Sure. I'll be back."**

**I gave Jesse my jacket and he left, leaving me alone to stare at the blonde. Behind me, a pair of grinders bumped into me and I stumbled forward but I caught myself. I glared at them and turned back to the blonde who I found was moving my way.**

"**You look lonely." he said when he reached me.**

"**Why would you say that?" I replied.**

"**You're standing there all alone, unless you boyfriend's coming back."**

"**He's not my boyfriend."**

"**Who is then?"**

"**Coincidently, no one."**

**I moved closer to him and he grabbed my hips, moving them in rhythm with his. I looked up into his eyes, marveling at the fact they looked so familiar. His leg propped into between mine and I grinded close to it. The arms that held my hips were strong; he worked out no doubt. His shoulders were broad, barely covered by his short sleeved, green t-shirt. His hair fell into his face, covering half his stunning blue eyes. His lips were full and a light pink, easily blending into his pale skin.**

**He seemed to be examining my looks too, making me smile. The song ended and we broke apart for a minute before the next one came on. I adjusted my skirt so it was even shorter than before and raised my arms so a slight piece of my flat stomach was revealed. He leaned in close to me as the next song started, both his arms holding me around my waist.**

"**You know, it's hard to believe you're single." he said.**

"**I could say that about you too."**

"**I guess."**

**The conversation stopped as our dancing got heated again. I turned, grinding my arse close to him with my arms around his neck. I saw Jesse coming towards me but he stopped when he saw me. I smiled at him and he nodded, walking off to find another girl. I felt the blonde's hand moving down my leg, resting on my thigh as I gyrated on his.**

**After a few more songs we found ourselves at the bar. I was sipping on a cold beer while he had some vodka. He was looking at me, not my boobs, which was a surprise for me. I flipped my hair over my shoulder, revealing my nicely toned arm.**

"**Do you have a smoke?" I asked.**

**He nodded and handed me a cigarette from his pocket. He lit it for me and I smiled as I placed it to my deep red lips. He ran his long, thin fingers through his hair and smirked. I could swear I'd seen that smirk before but this man was still a mystery to me. He too lit a cigarette, looking away as he blew the smoke out.**

"**Well, thanks for the fag and the drink, but I best be off." I told him.**

"**Wait! Why? I mean, can't you catch up with your friend later?" he spit out, almost frantically.**

**I smiled at him and nodded.**

"**I guess. But you have to tell me your name."**

**He took a long drag from his cigarette before answering me.**

"**That'd be Dray. And yours?"**

"**Dray is it? Well, my name so happens to be Mia."**

**He nodded and dumped his ashes in an ashtray before ordering another beer for both of us.**

"**Well, Mia, it seems that I have a feeling I've met you before, but I would remember a pretty face such as yours quite easily."**

**I blushed slightly, taking a large gulp of the cold beer just handed to me. I finished my cigarette and squashed it among the remains of its ashes.**

"**I've felt that way too, Dray. It'd be hard to forget a face such as yours." I replied.**

**He smirked and nodded, as if he was often complimented. We both continued to drink in silence until Jesse came up behind me with a red head attached to his hip.**

"**Mia! I'm going to leave, and I'm pretty sure Jake and Theresa left earlier to go shag, so can you get yourself home?" he asked me.**

"**Yeah, that's fine. Have fun!"**

**I waved goodbye to my friend and smiled at Dray, who was once again smirking at me. We sat in silence once more, him smoking yet another cigarette and me nursing the same beer.**

"**So, tell me about your self." he said out of nowhere.**

"**Like what?" I said coolly, after having jumped as his cold fingers touched my knee.**

"**Do you often hook up with random guys as clubs?"**

"**Well, as far as I can tell, we haven't hooked up yet."**

"**Oh, so you were planning on it?" he said this with his now trademarked smirk and a wink.**

**I blushed again, avoiding his gaze. His hand moved from my knee, up my side, to my chin and finally it cupped my cheek, turning me to look at him. As I turned my head, I felt his pale lips on mine. They were amazingly soft and I very willingly met his kiss. He pulled back, making me groan slightly.**

"**Cause I definitely was." he whispered in my ear softly.**

**I smiled as he sat back on his bar stool and finished his beer. I did the same with mine and set it down next to mine.**

"**Let's get out of here." I said, looking at him.**

**He smiled, took my hand and led me toward s the entrance of the club. I got my coat from the coat check and we stepped out into the cold London air. His hand still firmly on mine, he led me around the corner to a row of parked cars. He walked up to a red, BMW convertible and opened the door for me. He then walked around to the other side, getting in behind the wheel.**

"**Do you mind if I take you to my hotel?" he asked quietly as he started his car.**

"**Not at all. Do you not live around here?" I looked at him while checking my reflection in the flip down mirror.**

**He shook his head as he pulled into the street, which was practically dead, save a few other late night partiers. He sped through the streets of London before he pulled up in front of a large hotel. Had the BMW not been a big enough hint, I could tell his family was wealthy. The valet opened my car door for me and I stepped out. Dray handed the keys to the valet and then took my hand in his.**

**He led me through the front door and the maze that was the lobby to the elevators, which took us up to the tenth floor. He and I walked down the hall to stop in front of room 1015, which he opened the door to and let me in. It was a rather large suite; a king size bed with the finest sheets in the bedroom, a large TV in the living room, a large Jacuzzi in the bathroom and a sizeable bar in the kitchen area. He walked to the bar and I to the living room. I sat on the couch and waited for him to come back with a drink. He sat down next to me after handing me a glass of deep red liquor that reminded me of firewhiskey.**

"**It's whiskey." he told me as he saw me inspecting it.**

**I took a long drink and it burned down my throat in an actually comfortable, soothing way. This was definitely firewhiskey.**

"**It's strong. Where'd you get it?" I looked at him with my deep brown eyes, as if I could tell by his looks if he was a wizard.**

"**A friend. So, about this whole hooking up thing." he avoided the subject of magic easily by sliding over closer to me and kissing me.**

**It was breathtaking; had I been standing up, I'd have been a puddle on the floor. Without breaking the kiss, he put both our glasses on the table and laid me against the arm of the couch. Our kissing became a heated battle of our tongues as his hands roamed all over my body, expertly gliding all over the right places.**

**He started kissing down my neck, leaving what would be sure to be hickeys the next morning. I shimmied out of the straps of my tank top as he moved lower. He looked up at me gratefully and sat up to take off his shirt while I took mine off fully, revealing my black bra. His chest was as toned as his arms; a hard six-pack and immaculate pecks. I ran my hands down them and he moved back down to kiss me. His hand started to knead my chest through my bra and soon I found myself taking that off too. He sat up, much to my disapproval and pulled me up too.**

**Without a word, he led me to the bedroom, where he took off his shoes, socks and pants, revealing green boxers with a rather noticeable bulge in the groin. I slipped off my boots and skirt before he came back up to me and kissed me. I practically did melt, but his strong arms caught me. He lifted me up and threw me softly on the bed before climbing on top of me again. **

**- - -**

**The next morning, I awoke to find myself underneath the arm of a man and in a king sized bed that was definitely not my own. I looked around, hoping to remember how drunk I was last night and who the man was. I smiled when I remembered how good a shag Dray had been. I looked at him; his blonde hair spilled out around his head on the pillow, his mouth slightly open. I moved slightly to try and get out from under arm. After he didn't wake up, I lifted it up gently, slid out of the bed and set his arm back down. I picked up my thong, boots and skirt and put them on quickly before heading to the living room.**

**Next to the couch were my bra, tank top and jacket which I put on too. I looked around the room for a piece of paper and found one in the desk. I scribbled him a note that I left on his pillow.**

_Dray-_

_You don't have to, but if you want to, call me while you're in town._

_5224089637_

_-Mia_

**I silently left the suite, closing the door quietly behind me. As I walked to the elevator, I looked at my cell that was in my jacket pocket and realized it was 9 am. I was in the elevator alone and navigated my way through the lobby and out the front door.**

**The street was bustling with Saturday morning shoppers and people traveling to work. The doorman offered to get me a taxi, but I waved him off, wanting to Apparate home. I found a dark alley and left with a pop and found myself in my room. I cracked open my door slightly and saw my parent's bedroom door was shut, meaning they were asleep.**

**I slipped out of the clothing and into a pair of shorts and a sweatshirt before climbing into my own, twin-sized bed and falling asleep.**


	3. Chapter Two

**Chapter Two:**

**Several days later, two days before I was to leave for Hogwarts, Dray actually called me. I had just stepped out of a long, hot shower when my cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number, but I still answered it.**

"**Hello?" I asked.**

"**Erm, is this Mia?" I heard Dray's voice ask me.**

"**Is this Dray?"**

"**Yes. Mia?"**

"**Yes. How are you?"**

"**Okay. I leave town the day after tomorrow ad I was wondering if you want to go out tonight."**

"**I guess that could work. Where?"**

"**A small Italian restaurant."**

"**When?"**

"**I can pick you up at seven o'clock."**

**I gulped. I didn't want him to see my pitiful flat, especially if his family had money.**

"**Why don't I just meet you there?"**

"**Are you sure? It isn't a problem."**

"**No, it's alright. Just tell me where it is."**

**He gave me directions and I promised to meet him at seven. I found it rather ironic we were both leaving town the same day. I looked at my clock and saw it was three o'clock, giving me a few hours of down time. I used my wand to dry my hair quickly and then slipped on come clothes before lounging around.**

**First I smoked a few cigarettes before finding my hidden flask of firewhiskey and taking a long drink. I then laid on my bed, staring at my ceiling until about five thirty.**

**I then used my wand to get ready, shaving my legs, curling my hair and applying my usual heavy makeup. I shimmied into my short, strapless, red dress and threw on my leather jacket overtop. I looked through my closet for my favorite shoes before growing impatient and using 'Accio'. A pair of black, three inch pumps zoomed to my hand and I slipped them on my feet. I smoked one more cigarette out my window before grabbing my purse. I check the clock and then the mirror before Apparating away.**

**I appeared a block away from the restaurant and walked to it slowly. The sun was barely visible as it was almost done setting and it cast a light glow on the windows of the surrounding buildings. I stepped into the restaurant, looking for Dray, but he found me first. I turned as he tapped my shoulder and I smiled at him.**

"**Hey." he said with an air of superiority.**

"**Hey to you." I replied, just as smugly.**

"**You look great."**

"**Thanks."**

**He led me through the dining room to a small, round table in the back and seated me before himself. As he sat down, he smirked at me playfully while a waiter poured us wine. His hair was hanging in his face again and his arms were sadly covered by a nicely tailored jacket. I took a long drink, staring right back at him.**

"**I've been thinking about you a lot." he said, breaking the silence.**

"**Is that good or bad?" I asked before bringing my glass back to my lips.**

"**Bad, I guess, since you're a mudblood and all."**

**I sputtered and spilled wine on myself. So he was a wizard, and worse, he knew who I was.**

"**Excuse me?" I said after finding my voice.**

"**It seems know-it-all Granger has a wild side."**

**I looked at him and it hit me. Blonde hair, money. Dray meant Draco. I had shagged bloody Draco Malfoy.**

"**Malfoy. Oh God." I said with a cracking voice.**

**I got up to leave, but he caught my arm.**

"**Where are you going?"**

"**Away from you! This is a mistake!" I snapped at him, trying to get him off of me. "Will you get off of me?!"**

"**That's not what you said a few days ago."**

"**That was a mistake, Malfoy. Had I known it was you, I'd have hexed you into the next century."**

**My voice was getting louder and I felt everyone around us staring at our spat. I yanked my arm out of his grasp and walked away. I sat on the bench outside and smoked. I felt him sit next to me, but I didn't look at him.**

"**I would have never guessed you smoked." he said to no one in particular.**

"**There are a lot of things you don't know about me. Look, Friday was a mistake. Forget about it." I said before taking a long drag of my cigarette and looking away from him.**

"**No it wasn't."**

**I turned to look at him and he cupped my cheek and brought his mouth to mine. I melted into the kiss, my cigarette falling to the ground at my feet. His tongue ran along mine before he cruelly pulled back.**

"**Still think it's a mistake?" he asked, running his hand through my hair.**

"**We're enemies Malfoy. We're supposed to hate each other, not shag."**

"**Ah, but that was before I knew you were such a good shag." he whispered in my ear before kissing me again.**

**I could feel myself getting addicted to his kisses, but as time went on, all rational thought left my mind and was replaced with thoughts of sex. He must have sensed this because he pulled away, his eyes heavy with lust.**

"**Let's go to my hotel." he said in a heavy, seductive voice.**

**- - -**

**The next morning, I found myself once again waking up in Draco's bed. This time my head was on his chest, so I could easily extract myself from the bed. I followed the trail of our clothes and got dressed. Before I left, I looked at him, still peacefully sleeping. I quickly Apparated to my bedroom.**

**I sat on my bed and put my head in my hands. I had just slept with my enemy; twice no less! I was mentally kicking myself when there was a pecking at my window.**

**I looked up to see a black owl outside and I opened my window to let it in. I detached the small piece of parchment it had and it flew away before I had a chance to look for a treat. I sat back on my bed and unfolded the parchment.**

_I'll see you on the train._

_You know who I am._

**It was from Draco no doubt. I folded it up and used my wand to catch it on fire, dropping the ashes to my floor. I looked down at the mess and then around the rest of my room, which was even a bigger mess now that I had my Hogwarts stuff. I had gone on Thursday, not Tuesday. **

**My clothes were scattered all over the room, clean and dirty alike. My spell books were in the corner near my trunk and all my other school supplies spread across the room. My trash can was overflowing onto the floor around it and my desk was hidden by junk.**

**I sighed and decided to leave it for tomorrow. I took off my jacket and laid back on the bed, kicking off my shoes. I was moments from sleep when I heard my bedroom door burst open and my parents storm in.**

"**HERMIONE ANNE GRANGER!!"**

**I sat up quickly, pulling my knees close to hide my outfit. I glared at them as they started spewing profanity after profanity.**

"**Where in the bloody hell where you last night?!?! I came in here to make sure you were ready for tomorrow and I found your room empty!" my mother screamed, her face reddening.**

"**I was at a friends, mother!"**

"**And why didn't you at least tell us?!"**

"**Because it's not like you've bloody cared before!"**

"**Don't you dare say that!" my father interjected.**

"**Oh, yeah right! You couldn't care less about anyone but yourself! I've been sneaking out since I was 15!!"**

"**Oh! Is that so?! Well then I want you out!" my mother commanded me, her finger in my face.**

"**What?"**

"**You heard me! I want you out in an hour! If we don't care for you, then what's the point of you living with us?!"**

"**Fine!"**

**I stood up, using my wand to put things in my trunk while my father tried to reason with my mother. She wouldn't have it and stormed out, slamming the door to her bedroom. My father glared at me.**

"**I hope you're happy." he said, his voice harsh.**

"**Oh, you know I am!" I snapped at him, before continuing to move stuff to my trunk.**

**Five minutes later, my room was clear, save the furniture while all my clothing was shrunk in my trunk along with the rest of my belongings. I grabbed a cigarette out of the pack and lit it, savoring the nicotine. I looked around the rest of my room, looking for any hidden belongings and trying to figure out where I could stay.**

**I pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed Jesse's number. I knew ten o'clock was too early to call him, but I had no other choice.**

"**Hello?" he answered with a sleepy voice.**

"**Jesse, hey I know it's early, but could I stay with you today and tonight?"**

"**Sure. Why?"**

"**My parents kicked me out."**

"**Oh, well, come on over. My parents are out of town, so I don't care."**

**I thank him and hung up. To make it more muggle-like, I stuffed some clothing into a duffel bag and stuffed my shrunken trunk into it. I changed into a pair of jeans, a t-shirt and a pair of trainers, folding my dress haphazardly in the bag. I dropped the cigarette on the floor, squishing it beneath my foot, waved farewell to my former room and Apparated out. **

**I ended up in the play park a few minutes from Jesse's place. I sat on the non-broken swing, set my bag beside me and kicked off the ground. I kicked my legs, gaining more momentum and speed until I felt as if I was flying. The swings had always been my favorite things at play parks. They let you feel as if you are flying while comfortably sitting. I imagined airplanes were like this.**

**I stopped kicking my legs and slowed down, eyeing the kid who was standing a few feet away, waiting for the swing. I jumped off, grabbed my back and headed off towards Jesse's. I knew to just walk right in; I always did. Inside the large flat, I dropped my bag next to the kitchen island and opened the wide fridge. I was pulling out a can of Coke and a bowl of leftover noodles and when I heard Jesse behind me.**

**He was shirtless, wearing only his plaid boxers. His black hair was sticking up in random places, like Harry's, and his blue eyes clouded with sleep.**

"**Morning, sunshine." I said, laughing.**

"**Yeah, yeah what ever. Care to tell me why you got kicked out?"**

**I sat down next to him on the island and offered him the cold noodles, but he shook his head. I stuffed my mouth with a bite before answering.**

"**Well, they found out I snuck out last night and we got into it and my mum told me to get out. Luckily I leave for school tomorrow, so I only need a place to stay tonight." I said, in between bites of food and sips of Coke.**

"**Oh, yeah, you leave tomorrow. Well, as always, you have a place to stay here."**

"**Thanks Jesse."**

**I looked at him and smiled. We hadn't been friends long, only about a year or two, but he was a good friend. And a good shag too. I then started thinking about Malfoy again and shuddered.**

"**What's wrong?" he said, putting his hand on my shoulder.**

"**Nothing. Just thinking of the guy I slept with last night."**

"**Jesus, if he's that nasty, why'd you sleep with him?" Jesse said jokingly.**

**I glared at him, but couldn't hold it. I smiled brightly and continued eating. I felt Jesse's hand on my shoulder, rubbing it softly. I turned to look at him, our eyes meeting. He slowly started leaning into me. His soft lips met mine and he kissed me. **

**It was different from all our other kisses, which were hot and heavy, full of need. This kiss was sweet, innocent almost. Jesse pulled back, but kept his face close to mine.**

"**I love you Hermione. I have for a long time." he whispered.**

**I opened my mouth to speak, but he silenced me with his finger.**

"**Don't speak. Just listen. I know we're good friends and we have an awkward relationship, but I put up with it because I love you." He said, pulling me into his lap, holding me close. "It kills me when I see you with all those guys because I don't want you to get hurt, but I know you're not mine."**

**He looked at me again, his baby blue eyes filled with tears. I felt a tear run down my cheek and he gently wiped it away. I was in disbelief. All these years and he had seen me as more than a friend. Through all the parties, the drinking, the sleeping together, he has been hurt by seeing me sleep with numerous guys.**

"**I'm so sorry, Jesse." I whispered, by voice cracking.**

"**Don't be."**

**He kissed me again, cupping my chin with is large hand, the other on the small of my back. I smiled against his lips, my forehead pressed against his as he rubbed my back.**

"**You taste like cold spaghetti." he murmured, making me laugh.**

"**Yeah, well it's my new toothpaste."**

"**Well, I like it."**

**I smiled and stood up, grabbing his hand.**

"**I need a smoke." I said, pulling him to the balcony.**

"**You and your damn cigarettes."**

"**Hey! You smoke too!"**

**I lit a cigarette and looked out while Jesse stood behind me, holding onto my waist. His parents were rather wealthy, so he lived in the nice part of town. The neighboring buildings were lined with windows and balconies and were beautifully decorated. I wished I could live here, but Jesse hated it. I finished my cigarette and dropped it over the edge. Instead of going back inside, we stood outside for about half an hour, me in Jesse's arms.**

**- - -**

**The next morning, Jesse's alarm clock woke me up at 8. He was still sleeping as I turned it off. His arm was casually draped around my waist, his head buried in my shoulders. Last night, we had spent hours making love. Yes, love. Not shagging, fucking or just having sex. It had been different from anything before and I loved it.**

**I carefully rolled out of bed, not wanting him to wake him. I put on my shirt and his boxers and walked to my duffel bag. I quickly made my trunk larger and pulled out some brown corduroys, a white t-shirt and some underwear. I put my shrunken trunk back in the bag and then walked to the bathroom. **

**I showered quickly and then got dressed, leaving my hair wrapped in a towel. I tip-toed into the bedroom to get my clothes from last night, taking a moment to admire Jesse.**

"**Stop staring at me." he mumbled, rolling over so he could look at me.**

"**Good morning."**

"**Nothing can compare to last night." he boasted with a smirk. "What time is it?"**

"**About 8:30."**

**I walked over to the bed and sat down next to him. He scooped me into his arms and kissed me softly. My towel fell off my head as I pulled away.**

"**I already showered." I said, laughing slightly.**

"**So?" he asked, nuzzling his nose into my neck.**

"**We can't have sex."**

**He groaned before kissing my sweetly and letting me go. He got out of bed, looking for his boxers on the floor as I put my hair back in the towel.**

"**Have you seen my boxers?"**

"**Ermm. I sort of put them on this morning." I said, trying to look all sweet and innocent.**

"**Now, that's a sight I wouldn't mind seeing." he said laughing as he pulled on a fresh pair from the drawer. "What time do you have to leave?"**

"**10:15-ish."**

**At about ten o'clock, after a long steamy make-out session, I went into the bathroom to reapply my makeup. I kept it light, having to get back into my Hogwarts self. When Jesse saw it, he looked shocked.**

"**I mean, I like it I and all, but I'm so used to the dark eyeliner and whatnot."**

"**I know. The school's got a strict dress code though, including makeup." I lied.**

"**Want me to go with you to Kings Cross?"**

**I looked into his eyes as he hugged me. I wish I could tell him what I really was, but I knew I couldn't. I also knew we couldn't work. With me being off at Hogwarts, being a goody-two-shoes know-it-all, he'd be here in London, partying and drinking.**

"**I think it'd be best if you didn't. To make it easier."**

"**I understand." he said before kissing me gently."**

**Fifteen minutes later, we found each other saying goodbye. We were at his front door, him leaning against the frame and me carrying my duffel bag on the outside.**

"**Well, I have to go now."**

"**Yeah I guess."**

"**I'll try to call, or write, or anything."**

"**I'd like that."**

"**Jesse, thank you. For everything. I really appreciate it."**

"**You make it sound as if you're never coming back."**

**I shook my head, smiling.**

"**Oh, I'll be back. Goodbye."**

**I gave him one last kiss and started down the street. I thought I heard him call 'I love you' after me, but I didn't look back. I hailed a taxi and it took me to Kings Cross. I was there by 10:30 and I casually walked through the barrier that hid the Hogwarts Express.**

**I took my trunk out of the bag, enlarged it and then put my bag in it. I pushed it up on the train and stepped in, lugging it behind me. Compartments had already started filling up, but I knew I had to go to the one up front, the one especially for the heads. I headed towards it and found the Head Boy had yet to arrive. I pushed my trunk underneath the bench seat and then sat down, looking out the window.**

**I was thinking about everything. Malfoy, Jesse, my parents. Malfoy had asked me why I act differently at Hogwarts and I couldn't answer him. It's for the best I guess. I'll get a better education, which means a better job that I won't like. Why should I confuse people by showing my true self, not the goody-two-shoes know-it-all they know me as?**

**I had no clue what to think about Jesse. I loved him as a friend, but I didn't know if I could love him as he supposedly loved me. I didn't know if I could love anyone that way. I reached inside my jacket pocket and grabbed my pack of cigarettes. As I lit one and took a long drag, the last person I wanted to see walked into the compartment.**

"**Well, well Granger. I thought you knew smoking was bad for you." Malfoy sneered in my direction.**

**I didn't look at or answer him; I just stared out the window at all the other students saying farewell to their parents. Malfoy sat in front of my and looked me up and down.**

"**Back to your old look then?"**

"**Malfoy, just leave me the bloody hell alone."**

"**Oh, Granger, you shouldn't curse at the Head Boy."**

"**And you shouldn't annoy the Head Girl!" I practically screamed before glaring at him.**

**I looked into his eyes, covered by his messy, yet perfect, blonde hair. The eyes I had spent hours looking in as we had sex. Then I looked at his lips, the lips that I was addicted to, the lips that gave me kisses that made me melt. His arms were next on my list, this time, thankfully, uncovered. At the end of his arms were those quidditch calloused hands that could do things to me that should be deemed illegal. He cleared his throat and I looked back to his eyes.**

"**I appreciate you like to look at fine things Granger, but please do remember who I am." he said.**

"**I'd rather not." I said, throwing my cigarette on the ground.**

**I stomped on it with my trainer and then used my wand to make it disappear and to cover up the smoke smell. I looked away from Malfoy and the train started forward with a lurch. It sent me flying out of my seat and into Malfoy's lap.**

"**Jesus, you really can't keep your hands off of me." he said before I realized where I was.**

"**What we did was a mistake. One I plan on never making again." I snapped, pushing myself off of him and back to my seat.**

"**Really now? Because I mean, what's the harm in a few secretive shags?"**

"**That fact that it's wrong!"**

**I crossed my arms and glared out the window as the train passed by farmland and through small villages. I felt Malfoy sit down beside me and flinched as he touched my leg. Not that it hurt, but because it was what I wanted, even if I said I didn't. His hand moved further up my thigh before I turned to look at him.**

**He swiftly caught me in one of those breathtaking kisses. I kissed him back before I could think twice about it and our tongues started an age old dance. His hand ran up my side and then back down as my arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer. Both of us jumped back when there was a knock on the door. I flattened my curly hair while Malfoy slid back to his side.**

"**Come in." he said.**

**The door slid open and Professor McGonagall stepped into the compartment. She motioned for the two of us to sit together and after several moments of battling eyes, I groaned and got up to sit next to Malfoy. McGonagall sat in front of us and looked us over.**

"**Welcome to another year. Obviously, you two are the Heads, regardless if you get along or not. You two shall be sharing a common room this year and I will show you where it is once we get to school. Now, for your duties. Every night, at 9 o'clock, you two are to do rounds to make sure that everyone is in their common rooms. You may enlist the help of some of the prefects, but that does not mean you can make them do it all for you. You will help supervise the Hogsmeade trips, though you will have time to enjoy the trips by yourselves. You are also to take house points or detentions to any rule-breakers and you may also give house points. The detentions you give will be with me on Saturdays at 8. Is that clear?"**

"**Yes, Professor." I said politely.**

"**Yeah." Malfoy answered.**

"**Good, now you two need to do rounds of the train every hour, but I want you to sit in this compartment." she told us.**

**Malfoy and I both nodded and McGonagall bid us farewell before leaving the compartment. I avoided looking at Malfoy the rest of the trip, even during rounds. When we reached Hogwarts, he hurried ahead of me and I pulled my trunk onto the platform. I finally found Harry and Ron.**

"**Harry! Ron!" I called at them.**

"**Hermione!" they both called, moving towards me to hug me.**

"**We haven't heard from you in forever." Harry said, pulling away from me.**

"**Oh, I was busy with my parents. I did get all of your owls; I just never had time to write back." I lied.**

"**That's okay. How was your summer?" Ron asked, smiling.**

**We talked about our summers as we climbed into a carriage that took us up to Hogwarts. We sat down at our usual spot and kept talking until the sorting started. Then we ate, all laughing at Ron stuff his face with more and more food. Dumbledore gave his usual speech and then sent us to bed. **

**I said goodnight to Harry and Ron and then waited for McGonagall. I once again avoided looking at Malfoy as we waited. Once McGonagall appeared, she led us up the grand staircase and then down a corridor. At the end of the corridor was a massive painting of a prince and princess, who were on opposite sides of the canvas, scowling at each other. McGonagall told us the password (unity) and left.**

**I opened the portrait first, took a moment to admire the massive maroon and silver common room and then walked to my room, slamming the door behind me before Malfoy could talk to me. **


	4. Chapter Three

**Chapter Three:**

**The next morning I awoke early. I sat up and looked around my room. The dark stone walls were bare, save the maroon coverings across the large window. The wall across from me had a fire place, the coals cooling down after burning all night. My bed was large with the usual four posters. The covers were maroon and the pillows gold. Across from the window were my bureau and a desk, both made of dark wood. The door to my private bathroom was in between them.**

**I rolled out of my bed, flinching as my bare feet touched the cold, wood floor. I walked to my bureau, pulled out my uniform and carried it to the bathroom. My feet left the wood floor for white tile and the stone walls became tile too. I walked to the glassed in shower, put my clothes on the counter and stripped before getting into the shower. I turned the water on as hot as it would go, steaming up the stall. The hot water fell over me, relaxing my muscles. I cleaned up and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a maroon towel around myself.**

**I used my wand to dry my hair and pulled it into a low ponytail, the end falling in messy curls. I put on my uniform, buttoning my white shirt nearly to the top and making my skirt as long as possible without altering it with magic. I put on some mascara and lip gloss and was done I went back to my room, throwing my pjs on my bed and walked to my school bag. My books were stacked on my desk, waiting to be read. I ignored them and went for a cigarette instead. I took a long smoke break outside on my wide balcony.**

**I stepped back in after disappearing the cigarette and realized breakfast had started. I threw on my robes and shoes, leaving my bag for later and headed for the Great Hall. Not many were eating yet and only three 5th year Gryffindors, so I sat by myself, piling eggs and bacon on my plate. Fifteen minutes later, Ron and Harry strolled in, deep in a conversation about quidditch. They sat across from me, acknowledged me and then continued talking. **

**As the hall started to fill up, McGonagall started handing out timetables. Mine was packed; my only break was after lunch. Harry and Ron were luckier, having three breaks. To make things worse, we had Potions first.**

**Down in the dungeons, 7th years were lined up. Snape opened the door and stepped out, his robes billowing behind him.**

"**In." he commanded.**

**We listened, filing into the classroom and sitting amongst ourselves in groups. I took my book out and looked at Snape.**

"**This year, you will be brewing difficult potions, so you shall work as partners." Snape announced. "Pairs are on the board."**

**He waved his wand and the board spun around. I looked through the list, groaning when I saw my partner. On the board was 'H. Granger – D. Malfoy'. I heard the others around me groaning too. I turned to glare at Malfoy, who was giving me that incredibly hot smirk. I knew he wasn't going to move, so I picked up my stuff and walked to the empty sear next to him.**

"**Ello mudblood." he whispered and which I ignored.**

"**You will be brewing Ultimato Reveltis. Who can tell me what it does?" Snape asked and I raised my hand. "Of course you can Miss Granger."**

"**It makes the drinker reveal their inner-most secret, sir."**

"**And of course, a definition almost exactly out of the book. Instructions are on the board." Snape said, moving to his desk as the class came to life.**

**Malfoy and I got our ingredients and started preparing them. As I stirred the light green concoction ten times clockwise, I felt Malfoy's hand on my thigh. I slapped it away and glared at him. Throughout the lesson, he did it repeatedly, making me mad.**

"**How would your little Slytherin friends feel if they knew you couldn't keep your hands off of me?" I hissed at him.**

"**They wouldn't mind. I already told them what a slut you are." he replied coolly, making me gape and be moments from jinxing him.**

"**Yeah right, like you'd confess to shagging a mudblood." I managed to say coolly, turning back to the potion and feeling his hot breath on my ear.**

"**Only when she's a damn good shag." he whispered, making me blush. "Meet me in the common room at lunch."**

**He pulled back and was silent the rest of the lesson. He wasn't in my next class, Ancient Runes, which I hurried off to when the bell rang. After that though was lunch, which was when I found myself heading to the common room. I opened the portrait and found Malfoy asleep on the couch. I crept slowly to my door to leave my bag in my room, hoping to escape before he awoke. I was wrong.**

"**I'm not asleep you know."**

**I turned to see him sitting on the couch, his white shirt almost completely unbuttoned.**

"**What do you want?" I asked timidly as he started walking towards me.**

"**This."**

**He reached for the back of my neck and pulled me into a heated kiss. After a moment of shock, I dropped my bag and kissed him back. He pulled my robes off my shoulders, his tongue assaulting mine. He pushed me backwards and through my open bedroom door. I finished unbuttoning his shirt as we stumbled to my bed. He undid my shirt and we took them off before falling on my bed.**

**He kissed down my neck to the top of my breasts, which I released from my bra. He toyed with my nipples while kicking off his shoes and pants, revealing his black boxers. I slipped out of my skirt and tried to unbuckle my shoes, but he quickly performed a charm that removed both my shoes and underwear. He laid in between my legs, rubbing his silk covered erection over my wet slit. He broke out fevered kiss and looked in my eyes.**

"**Beg for it Granger. Just beg." he said with a straining voice and his eyes clouded. **

**Had I not needed it so badly, I would have never given in, but then again, I needed it.**

"**Fuck me Malfoy. Please, just fuck me!" I cried.**

**He ripped off his boxers and thrusted into me with a groan. He pulled back and slammed into me with brute force, making me cry out. I pushed my hips up to meet his, my legs already wrapped around his waist. As he continued to fuck me hard, he bit on my hard nipples, making me groan loudly. I came first, screaming out as my orgasm spread through my exhausted body. A few thrusts later, he came too. He buried his face in my neck before performing a contraceptive charm. He pulled out and started to get dressed.**

"**I don't know what it is Granger, but I'm addicted to you."**

**As he left the room, I scrambled to get dressed, trying to flatten my hair. The bell rang halfway through my cigarette, but I had a break, so I took my time.**

**- - -**

**The next week passed slowly. The teachers piled homework on us in massive loads, so with my nightly rounds with my new pureblood fuck buddy, I had little time to do anything else. Harry and Ron were always either at quidditch practice or studying, so we didn't get to talk anymore. In fact, I spent all my free time shagging Malfoy or smoking.**

**After a long night of homework, I missed breakfast on Monday morning and hurried to potions. We were going to test our Ultimato Reveltis, but I was positive we'd done it right, so I was calm. After we filed into the class, I took my seat next to Malfoy. His hand brushed against my thigh and I blushed. Snape entered the room and scowled as he looked at us,**

"**You shall be testing your concoctions yourself in front of the class. I have antidotes at the ready for any mishaps." Snape said this looking at Ron and Seamus. "We'll go in alphabetical order."**

**Slowly, each set of partners went up, taking a gulp of the potion. I was nervous about my secret coming out, but I was worried about Malfoy's too. We found out Hannah Abbott was abused by her dad and her partner Blaise Zabini couldn't really speak Italian. Malfoy and I were fourth to go and I walked up to the front and tried to be confident.**

**I took my drink first and as I spoke, I could feel my back straighten as if a large weight was taken off my shoulders.**

"**I'm not a good girl. I drink, smoke and sleep around." I said automatically.**

**I heard several people gasp as I put my hand over my mouth. I looked at Ron and Harry, whose jaws were both hitting the floor. I sort of shrugged and looked away as the class started to gossip.**

"**Alright. Shut up! Malfoy, please drink your potion." Snape said, calming the room.**

**I looked at Draco as he took the drink and hoped for the best. What he said I never expected.**

"**I'm in love with Hermione Granger."**

**I gasped, Pansy fainted and Harry and Ron jumped up in protest. Malfoy looked at the ground, shuffling his feet while Snape tried to restore order.**

"**Potter, Weasley. Sit down. 10 Points from Gryffindor. Someone take Parkinson to the medical wing and Granger and Malfoy, sit down."**

**We both walked to our seats, neither looking at each other. The others stared at us throughout the lesson, but we ignored it. After everyone was done, we by far had the biggest secrets. As the bell rang, we both jumped up and were the first ones out of the class. I didn't even stop when Harry and Ron called my name, but just continued on to Ancient Runes.**

**I didn't pay attention much, as others were still staring at me, even people who hadn't been in Potions with me. Apparently news travels fast at Hogwarts. At lunch, I hurried to the common room and locked myself in my room. I threw myself on my bed and started to think.**

'**He's in love with me?! Since when!? Really?!'**

**My mind was racing and I was about to light a cigarette when there was a knock on my door. I put the cigarette away and walked to my door, opening it slightly. Outside of it was Malfoy, looking down at his feet, his arm on the door frame. As I opened my door wider, he looked up.**

"**Granger."**

"**Yes?"  
"Can we talk?"**

"**I suppose."**

**I opened my door wider and he stepped in, walking to my bed. I sat next to him and pulled my knees close to me.**

"**About earlier. In potions." he started, shakily.**

"**Yeah. That."**

"**It's true. I have for a while now."**

"**How long?"**

"**Since fifth year." he mumbled sheepishly.**

"**Are you being shy? The Draco Malfoy embarrassed?" I said, turning to him, smiling.**

"**A little." he said, looking at me too.**

**His eyes were clear now, not clouded with lust or anger as normal, but clear, truthful. I leaned into him slowly and he met me halfway. The kiss was tender, almost romantic, like the one at the restaurant. We pulled back, smiling slightly.**

"**Why?" I dared to ask.**

"**Because you're perfect."**

"**Yeah right."**

"**You are. You're the brightest witch our age, you're beautiful and you could care less what others think of you. And you challenge me, something no one else dares to do." he whispered before kissing me again.**

**I could have spent all of lunch just kissing him, but there was a banging, not a knock, at the portrait. I figured it was Harry and Ron, so I gave Malfoy a quick peck before going to let them in.**

"**Hermione!" Ron exclaimed.**

"**Care to explain about potions?!" Harry cried.**

**I led them to the couch as Malfoy strolled out of my room.**

"**Why was he in your room!?" Harry asked, pointing his finger at Malfoy**

"**We were talking, Harry. Now what do you want?" I asked coolly.**

"**What was with the whole 'I'm not a good girl' thing?! That's not you!"**

"**Actually, it is Harry. I've been like that for a few years now."**

"**Since when!?" Ron cried out.**

"**Well Ron, I obviously don't act like that here at Hogwarts, but over summer break, I am."**

"**I can't believe it."**

"**I don't expect you too. But I haven't questioned you guys about crying at chick flicks (Harry) or being afraid of babies (Ron)."**

"**Cause there's nothing to explain! I can't believe you lied to us Hermione!" Harry screamed at me.**

**They both stormed out of the common room, leaving me on the couch bewildered. Malfoy sat next to me and pulled me into him as I started to cry. At that moment I was so confused, because I started to think about Jesse back home, Malfoy and now Harry and Ron. Malfoy just sat with me throughout lunch and break and then kissed me gently before we separated for our next classes.**

**- - -**

**The next two weeks were hard. I had tried to explain things to Harry and Ron, but things were still awkward. On the plus side, Malfoy was paying more attention to me. We spent a lot of time talking now, not just shagging and I found he was really sweet. Potions was hard, having everyone stare at us while we worked together. Actually, the whole school looked at us weirdly, or so it seemed.**

**One night while Malfoy had quidditch practice, I found myself smoking a joint and drinking quite a lot of firewhiskey. I had sent a letter to Jesse using Hogwarts' Muggle Post Network, trying to explain everything, but I don't think it worked.**

_Jesse,_

_Hey, how are you doing? School is a lot of stress because of A levels (_**okay, NEWTS, but he didn't know that**_) and drama. I miss you, but I've been thinking a lot. Maybe your 'love' for me is merely infatuation. I'm not saying that it couldn't be love, but maybe it's best if you don't wait for me. I will come back, I promise, but maybe we're better off friends._

_Hermione_

**I felt horrible as I sent it, but it needed to be done. Because, oddly, I felt myself falling for Malfoy. He could be so sweet, surprising me with flowers or just talking until the late hours of the night. The only thing wrong was he was a pureblood and I was a muggleborn. And in his family, we didn't mix well.**

**I took another long drink of the firewhiskey, looking out the window at the sunset. The sky was a mixture of colors, from deep purple to bright yellow and it was so beautiful. It actually brought me to tears, with the mixture of marijuana and alcohol. I turned when I heard my door open and smiled as I saw Draco standing there.**

"**What's wrong?" he asked.**

"**Nothing. Why?" I asked as I snuffed my joint and put it back in the case.**

"**Cause you're crying." he said, walking towards me.**

"**Oh that. The sunset. It's just really beautiful. Want some firewhiskey?" I asked, my voice and hand shaking as I handed him the flask.**

**He took it and set it down on my bed before holding me close. Out of nowhere, I burst into tears. He rubbed my back softly, comforting me until I finally slowed down and could speak.**

"**I'm…I'm sorry. It's just that…Harry and Ron are ignoring me, and, and classes are hard."**

"**It's okay, Hermione." he said, sitting me on the bed. "Potter and Weasley are prats. It's as simple as that. And just remember, you're the smartest witch in our year, so all your troubles are multiplied by two for us other people who have to struggle to be half as smart as you."**

**I smiled and looked at him and he stroked my hair.**

"**Thanks. You can always make me smile."**

"**Good. I love to see you smile."**

**He leaned in and kissed me sweetly again. I kissed him back, smiling against his lips. As we pulled back, I furiously tried to wipe the tears off my face, but he stopped me and did it for me.**

"**Will you go to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow?" he asked.**

"**I'd love to."**

"**Good. And always remember, I love you."**

"**I love you too." I said before I could think about it. **


	5. Chapter Four

**Chapter Four:**

**I had no idea why I said it; I didn't even know if it was true. Could I love Draco Malfoy? Could he be more than just a shag? I knew he loved me; he'd confessed it in Potions and told me several times since then, but this was the first time I responded to him.**

**I held my breath, waiting to see what he'd say. Maybe he'd realize I just blurted it out and couldn't possibly mean it, or maybe he did think I meant it. Whatever it was, he didn't show it. He kissed me once more and then stood up to leave. As he left my room, I was staring at the closed door, where he had just stood moments ago.**

'**How could I do that?! Why did I bloody say 'I love you too'!? I can't mean it! I just said it because of the situation! But why would I even think about something like that?! Why would I say I love him?! The marijuana? That's it! And the firewhiskey! That has to be it!'**

**As I fought with myself in my head, it started to grow dark outside. When I realized it was 11 and that I had missed rounds, I got out of bed, still mentally kicking myself, and put on my pjs. I got back in bed, burying myself in the many, thick covers, trying to clear my head. In twelve hours time, I'd be on a 'date' with Malfoy and I had just told him I loved him. After another hour of thought, I decided to swear off marijuana and alcohol, but I knew that by the next night, I'd forget about my little oath.**

**I woke up at 7 the next morning and showered quickly. I had decided to stop worrying about the whole 'I love you too' issue and just have fun today. I dried my hair and straightened it, so it fell in sexy layers to my back. I put my makeup on a little bit darker but not as dark as I normally would on a date back home. In my room, I put on some tight jeans and a teal t-shirt. I checked the mirror once more and then headed off for breakfast.**

**Not many people were up at 8:30 on a Saturday morning, so I ate mine in silence, thinking about the day ahead of me. At around 9, most of the older Gryffindors came into the hall and as usual, Harry and Ron sat across from me. **

"**You coming with us to Hogsmeade today, Mia? Fred and George finally opened a shop there." Ron asked with a mouth full of toast.**

"**Actually, I have other plans." I replied.**

**Both of them looked at me oddly and then shrugged. I tried to talk to them a few more times, but they just gave snappy responses and continued eating. After fifteen minutes, I gave up and left the hall to go to the common room.**

**I sat on one of the couches in front of the fire and tried to read Snape's assignment, but one can only read about Zigglybombads for so long before dozing off; which I did. About an hour later, I felt a tapping on my shoulder and I shot up.**

"**Wha?" I asked groggily.**

"**Erm…Hogsmeade?" Malfoy asked.**

**I looked up at him and nodded, trying to wake up.**

"**Sorry. I sort of fell asleep, reading."**

"**I see that. Are you ready?"**

"**Yeah, just let me grab my cloak."**

**I went into my room, flattened my hair and then threw on my cloak. I met Malfoy in the common room and then we walked together to the Great Hall.**

"**Sorry about missing rounds last night." I said sheepishly.**

"**It's okay. I figured you'd fallen asleep and didn't want to wake you." he said, smirking slightly.**

"**Thanks." I said, smiling softly.**

**As we reached the Great Hall, Filch was once again checking to make sure everyone had permission to go on the trip and third years were jumping around excitedly. Professor McGonagall called us over to her.**

"**Now, Ms. Granger, Mr. Malfoy. As you know, you will need to help supervise. You will walk behind everyone on the trip down to Hogsmeade and the trip up, making sure everything is in order. While in the village though, you may do as you please. Please make sure everyone is heading up to the castle by 4 o'clock." she told us.**

"**Yes, Professor." I answered politely before she went off to help Filch.**

**I looked at Malfoy and we both shrugged, waiting for everyone to leave before us. Outside, it was a chilly October morning, making me wish I'd have grabbed a thicker cloak. I buried my hands in my pockets and pulled my cloak closer. Surprising me, Malfoy put his cloak over my shoulders.**

"**But you'll get cold." I told him as I saw he was only wearing a t-shirt now.**

"**It's okay. I'll survive, I promise." he said, smirking.**

"**Oh great, my one plan to get rid of you won't work." I said with a laugh.**

"**Oh, I'm hurt." Malfoy joked, acting as if I had just stabbed him in the heart.**

**We continued joking and laughing the rest of the way to Hogsmeade. The only eventful thing that happened was a small fight between some fourth years, but we broke it up quickly. When we reached the village, everyone scattered and I turned to Malfoy.**

"**So, what exactly did you have planned?" I asked.**

"**Definitely not that abomination of a tea shop." he said, pointing to Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop, making me laugh. "How about a drink at the Three Broomsticks and then whatever you want?"**

"**That works." I said, smiling.**

**We walked over to the crowded Three Broomsticks and once inside, Malfoy grabbed my hand to help navigate me to the bar, except he didn't let go when we got there. We order a butterbeer each and then he held my hand still as we walked to a small, empty table in the corner. He let go as we sat down and took a long drink of the warm liquid. I followed suit, blushing slightly still at holding his hand. I took off both the cloaks and hung then on my chair, smiling at him.**

**We finished our drinks, talking about a lot of things, but he was nice and never brought up the night before. Afterwards, we went to Fred and George's shop and I was surprised to see that they were there, not in Diagon Alley.**

"**Well, we couldn't miss a chance to see you, Harry and Ron. Where are they by the way?" Fred asked.**

"**Erm, I didn't come with them today."**

"**Really? Who'd you come with then?" George asked.**

"**Well-" I looked at Malfoy who was looking at the muggle magic sets.**

"**You came with Malfoy?!" the twins nearly shouted.**

"**Yes. He's not nearly as bad as you think. I swear."**

"**I guess not, if you're here with him. But if you see our brother, tell him to stop by." Fred said and they both left, not bothering to say goodbye.**

**I glared at them and went over to Malfoy, who was fascinated by a set of cards. He stopped though when he saw my scowl.**

"**What's wrong?"**

"**Nothing. Can we go though? Somewhere else?"**

"**Sure. What'd you have in mind?" he asked as I pulled him out of the shop.**

"**Anyplace with firewhiskey."**

"**As fun as that sounds, I don't think now is the time. Maybe later in the common room." he suggested with a wink.**

"**I guess you're right." I said, looking around.**

"**Hey, I know where we can go."**

**Malfoy grabbed my hand and we walked to a small clearing near the woods. There were a few, empty benches and we sat on one, still holding hands. It had started to warm up, so I took off his cloak and gave it back to him.**

"**Thanks again."**

"**You're welcome." he said before kissing me softly.**

**We sat in silence for a while looking around us. In the distance was the Shrieking Shack and beyond that, endless hills and farms. I could see part of the Hogs Head, and the rest was covered by dense forest. I rested my head on Malfoy's shoulder and he stroked my palm with his broad hand.**

"**Hermione?" he asked shyly.**

"**Yes?"**

"**Do you mean it? What you said last night?"**

**We'd finally gotten to the dreaded topic. I myself didn't know the answer to the question, but I didn't want to hurt him. He had been so nice to me lately and I could actually see myself being with him, but I didn't think I was already in love with him.**

"**Draco, yes. I do mean it." I said, surprising both of us.**

"**Really?" he asked, looking at me.**

**I nodded, because apparently my mind liked to do things for itself now. He leaned down and kissed me gently cupping my chin in his broad hand. I deepened the kiss, pulling him closer to me. At that moment, Ron and Harry came in the clearing.**

"**Hermione?!" Ron cried.**

"**What in the bloody hell?!" Harry screamed.**

**I broke away from Draco and looked at my best friends. I stood up and tried to explain, but they cut me off.**

"**Don't even bother Hermione. First you lie to us and then you blow us off for that arse. You obviously don't care about us." Harry said coldly.**

"**Fred and George told us you were with him, but we didn't believe it. Well now we know it's true." Ron said fiercely.**

"**I do care you guys! But please let me explain!" I pleaded, moving towards them.**

"**Don't. We don't want to listen."**

**The two jogged away and I erupted in sobs. I was about to fall to the ground, but I felt Malfoy's hands catch me. He held me to him and I cried for what seemed like hours as he tried to make me feel better.**

**- - -**

**Three weeks later, at the Halloween feast, I was sitting alone at the Gryffindor table. Not only had Harry and Ron abandoned me, but they had told the entire house and I was now an outcast. Surprisingly, Draco wasn't experiencing the same effects with his Slytherin friends, but most likely because they were too afraid to make him angry. **

**After eating quickly, I hurried off to the common room to get some of my homework done. I sat in my room at my desk, a small candle lighting up my work. After several failed attempts at my Charms essay, I gave up. I got out a bottle of firewhiskey from the bottom of my trunk and took a long drink.**

**A lot had changed. Draco and I were officially together which meant I was officially an outcast of the Gryffindor house. I had started smoking a lot more, both cigarettes and marijuana. And I was also drinking through my entire supply of firewhiskey.**

**There was a soft knock on my door and it opened slowly, revealing Draco. He stepped in as I continued to drink. He put his hands on my shoulders and started massaging them.**

"**Are you okay?"**

"**Just perfect. Want some?" I asked.**

"**No thanks. I have a surprise for you tonight. So, put the bottle down and get ready."**

"**Where are we going?"**

"**Somewhere you can be yourself."**

**I turned to look at him and he leaned down to kiss me. He told me I had an hour and then left to get himself ready. I stood up and moved to the bathroom, where I washed my face and took my hair out of its ponytail. I then straightened my hair and pulled it into a very sloppy yet sexy bun. I took my time with my makeup, applying it so that it was dark, the way I liked it.**

**Back in my room, I put on a pair of tight, low jeans and a red, strapless shirt. I put on the black leather jacket Draco had gotten me overtop of it and slipped into a pair of black, leather pumps. I sprayed on some perfume and then left my room to find Draco sitting in front of the fire. He smiled when he saw me and then walked to me, kissing me passionately.**

"**So where are we going?"**

"**It's a surprise. But we're going to have to take a short broom ride." he told me.**

**I groaned (I hated brooms) and he laughed as he kissed me again. He was wearing black slacks and a short sleeve grey shirt under a coat that matched mine. He grabbed my hand and led me through his room to the balcony, where his Firebolt was waiting. I climb on and held onto him tightly as he flew us from the castle to Hogsmeade.**

**We landed in the small clearing where weeks ago we had become a couple and he shrunk his broom before stuffing it in his coat. He informed me he was going to Apparate us the rest of the way and I held onto his hand tightly when I felt the familiar feeling of being squeezed through a tight tube. When I opened my eyes again, I found that we were in London in an alley. I looked at Draco, but he just kissed me and walked me to the street.**

**I gasped as I saw we were standing in front of Hooked where everything had started months before. He led me to the door, where we both greeted George. He let us in right away and we stepped into the crowded club. At the bar, we both ordered a beer and as Draco paid, I started moving with the music. I saw a couple of guys checking me out, but Draco scared them off as he stood behind me.**

**I grabbed his hand and pulled him to the dance floor, finishing off my beer before I started dancing close to him. We moved together with the music, working up a sweat with every passing minute. After a while, I was so turned on, I grabbed Draco in a kiss and we started making out on the dance floor. After several people bumped into us though, we moved apart and went back to the bar for another drink.**

**Draco had to use the loo, so he left me with a beer at the bar. I looked around and gasped as I saw Jesse at the other end of the bar. I tried to hide my face, but he saw me and started moving towards me.**

"**Mia?! Oh my god! What are you doing here?!" he screamed over the music.**

"**Jesse! Hi! Not much. My boyfriend and I drove down today." I screamed back, trying to keep my cool.**

"**Oh. That's why I got the letter." he said, taking a long drink and turning away from me.**

"**Jesse, please. Listen. Things are complicated! We're so far apart and I think it's best if you realize that." I tried to explain, grabbing his shoulder.**

"**Yeah I do realize. Have fun tonight. And no matter what you want, I love you." he looked past my shoulder as he spoke. "I'm guessing that's your boyfriend."**

**Jesse started to walk away and turned around to see that Draco was in fact behind me and he didn't look too happy.**

"**Who was that?" he asked angrily.**

"**Draco, don't be mad. That's Jesse. He's been my friend for years."**

"**Well, it doesn't sound like he's your friend."**

"**Please, Draco. I swear!"**

**He just nodded and finished off another beer. The rest of the night he was distant, cold. I put up with it for about an hour before I told him I wanted to leave. He didn't say anything but just walked ahead of me out of the club. When we got outside, he kept walking ahead of me towards the alley with me hurrying behind him.**

"**Draco, wait up, please!" I called after him, receiving many stares from people waiting in line.**

"**Maybe you should just walk faster." he said, turning to look at me.**

"**What is with you?! You were fine earlier!"**

"**Yeah, before I found out there's other guys that just like to confess their love for you!"**

"**You're the only one that I say it back to! And you know I mean it! And Jesse is one guy, who I happen to have known for years."**

**We were in the alley now and he roughly grabbed on my hand to Apparate us back. When we landed in Hogsmeade, we continued arguing.**

"**Tell me, Hermione. Have you ever slept with him?"**

"**Once or twice, yes," I lied "but that was a while ago and it was just sex."**

"**Well he obviously thinks it was more than just sex."**

**He got on his broom and I climbed on behind him. As we flew back up to his balcony, he flew more dangerously than he normally would have, so as I got off, I felt I was going to puke. I was so pissed at him, I didn't say one more word to him before I stormed out of his room and to mine to change. I jumped into my bed and fell asleep.**

**I slept in the next morning, missing breakfast. When I finally did roll out of bed, the sun was shining through my window and there was a tray of food on my desk with a note from Draco. I was still mad at him, so I ignored it and walked into my bathroom. I took a long shower, cleaning off the remnants of last night's makeup.**

**I dried off with a towel and wrapped it around me before going back into my room. I looked at the tray and saw he had brought me toast, some fruit and pumpkin juice. I picked up the small roll of parchment.**

_Hermione-_

_I'm sorry about last night; I really am. You missed breakfast, so here's something I grabbed for you. I think we should talk, so I'll be in my room most of the day. I love you._

_-Draco_

**I smiled slightly as I took a bit of the toast and started to get dressed. I slipped on some comfortable sweatpants and a tank top under a jacket. I left my hair down and wet so that it could air dry. I looked at the note one more time before finishing the pumpkin juice and left my room. I walked over to Draco's door and knocked.**

"**Come in." he called through the door.**

**I opened the door and stepped into his room to see him reading on his bed.**

"**Morning." I said as I sat down on his bed.**

**He put down his book and moved closer to me, kissing my forehead and then holding me close.**

"**I'm so sorry about last night. I should have realized it was nothing, but I wouldn't stop, and I was wrong." he said sweetly.**

"**It's my fault too. I should have told you." I said, my voice cracking slightly.**

**Out of no where, I started crying, not really sobbing, but the tears were coming. Draco wiped them away softly and then kissed me.**

**- - -**

**November passed by quickly. No one in Gryffindor would talk to me anymore; they'd barely even look at me. With everyone else ignoring me, I spent most of my time studying or with Draco. As we did rounds nightly, we'd hold hands and just walk quietly. I'd never thought I'd be in love with Draco Malfoy, but amazing things happen everyday.**

**Homework was stressful; teachers gave no mercy, piling essays on top of reading on top of practice. All the work upped my smoking habit and I was running low on my cigarette stash. Draco tried often to get me to slow down, and I'd try but fail after a few hours.**

**One day the stress made me snap. I'd woken up late and hurried off to breakfast to eat by myself. Afterwards, Draco walked with me to Potions (it was a Monday) and as we passed Harry and Ron, they glared at me. In class, Snape criticized everyone but Draco and I on our work, causing Harry to act out.**

"**And of course your beloved Malfoy didn't do anything wrong!" he argues with Snape.**

"**Sit down Potter! Ten points from Gryffindor." Snape argued back.**

"**Malfoy doesn't do a damn thing. He makes her," Harry pointed at me "do everything and of course she does everything just perfectly!" Harry mocked me.**

"**Oh shut up!" I screamed, on my feet. "You don't know anything Harry! I can't believe I was ever friends with you!!"**

"**Enough!! Fifty points from Gryffindor! Everyone sit down!" Snape bellowed.**

**I didn't though. I grabbed my stuff and fled the room, flying through the dungeons to the common room. I collapsed on my bed, nearing tears. After a few moments, I smoked a cigarette, smiling as the nicotine flowed through my system. I decided to go to Ancient Runes, ignoring new glares. News of my outburst had spread and it made me even less popular.**

**At break, Draco tried to comfort me and I appreciated it, though it didn't work well. Every time I'd get a new cigarette, he'd put it away and just hold me close to him. The rest of the day was hard, but knowing that Draco loved me helped a lot. That night, after rounds, we both got drunk off the remaining portion of my firewhiskey and I introduced him to marijuana for the first time.**


	6. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five:**

**Christmas break was approaching fast. Since my parents didn't want to see me, I was staying at Hogwarts over break, as was Draco. Draco was my only friend anymore, so he decided to get me to be 'friends' with his, the Slytherins. At first, I objected, but one can only go so long drinking and smoking alone, so I gave in.**

**One Saturday night, after rounds, Draco invited some Slytherins up to the common room. We were all sitting around, drinking. I was sitting on Draco's lap on a couch with Zabini next to us, Pansy, Crabbe and Goyle were on the other couch and a couple others I didn't know were on the floor. I was being silent, drinking my firewhiskey while the Slytherins talked. Draco noticed and tried to get me to talk, although I barely did.**

"**If you don't start talking, I'm going to snog you in front of everyone or disappear all your cigarettes." he whispered in my ear.**

"**You wouldn't dare." I hissed at him.**

"**Or, I'll do something worse." he said with a smirk. "Let's play truth or dare, guys!"**

**The others liked this idea and although I refused, Draco still forced me to play. As we sat around thinking of a dare for Pansy, I took a long drink from the vodka bottle and became my usual self.**

"**I dare you to give Zabini a lap dance!" I blurted out in a drunken slur.**

**Everyone stared at disbelief, except Draco, and I just shrugged. Pansy smiled at me and went on to give Zabini a rather noticeable boner. The sexual dares continued flying out and the alcohol disappearing. It was Draco's turn to ask me at last. I had already deep throated a banana, done a couple somersaults in my short skirt and now it was time for Draco's 'torture'.**

"**Hermione, my dear, I dare you to show the others tat great tongue thing you do." He said, smirking.**

"**No way, Draco! No way in bloody hell!" I detested.**

"**You have to, Granger." Pansy interjected.**

**I stared at Draco evilly, who was still smirking. I couldn't believe he wanted me to give him a blow job as a dare, but a dares a dare. I finished the last of the vodka and got on my knees at Draco's feet. I very slowly unzipped his jeans and massaged his already awakening cock. I pulled it out of his boxers and stroked it deliberately. I then looked him in the eyes and ran my tongue up and down his shaft and around the head before taking almost his entire length in my mouth. As I continued sucking, I could see his face tightening and knew he was seconds from blowing. I slowed down and he held my head down gently as he orgasmed into my awaiting mouth. I swallowed quickly, wiped my mouth and sat next to Draco.**

**Everyone was staring at me in disbelief and I sort of shrugged it off. The night ended soon after that and Draco and I got in his bed together.**

"**See, they're not all that bad." he told me as I snuggled close to him.**

"**Yeah, but you are." I said with a yawn.**

"**Why?"**

"**How could you say you're not?! Making me blow you off in front of everyone!" I said rather loudly, sitting up.**

"**look, I'm sorry! I just needed it and they won't tell, so I figured I'd go for it." he said, trying to pull me back to him, but I rolled over on my side, facing away from him, and fell asleep.**

**- - -**

**The first day of break, most people, including most of my ex-friends, left to go home. Determined to get them back as friends, I got Ron and Harry Christmas presents. I ordered Harry to subscription to 'Quidditch Monthly' and got Ron a book on the Cannons. But I couldn't figure out what to get Draco.**

"**What do you want for Christmas, Draco?" I asked one day while we were in the common room reading.**

"**I want you to not get me anything. But what do you want?"**

"**If you don't want anything, I don't want anything." I teased him.**

"**Well you're getting one." he said in a fake stern voice.**

"**Well, so are you." I told him.**

**A week later, two days before Christmas, I still hadn't gotten him anything. Quidditch things were too impersonal and anything else was too expensive. It wasn't until late that night that I got my idea. Draco had never had a true family, joyous Christmas, so I was going to give him one.**

**On Christmas Eve, when Draco was already asleep, I went into the common room and set to work. I transformed a log into an enormous pine tree and decorated it with glittering lights and silver and gold ornaments. I hung a few pieces of mistletoe around the room as well as some garland. I also managed to conjure up some cookies and prepared myself to make hot chocolate in the morning. Underneath the tree I put a few small presents; some sweets and a book. After admiring my work, I went back to bed and snuggled close to Draco.**

**Draco awoke first the next morning and I woke up, smiling when he asked "what the?!" when he opened the door.**

"**Morning Draco." I said sleepily.**

"**Did you decorate the common room?" he asked, kneeling beside me.**

"**Happy Christmas." I said shyly as I sat up.**

"**It's gorgeous. Thanks." he said before kissing me sweetly.**

**Out in the common room, I made the hot chocolate while Draco lit the fire. He'd put my present underneath the tree and I was eyeing it intently. As we sat down, he handed it to me. I started to unwrap it with a smile, but it dropped when I saw what it was.**

"**You got me 'Hogwarts, A History'?!' I said rather disappointedly.**

"**Just open it babe."**

**I did and gasped as I saw that inside it was not a book; instead of pages it held square, black velvet box. I opened it slowly and smiled at what I saw. Inside was a delicate, gold chain with a brilliant diamond pendant that red 'HG'.**

"**Oh Draco. It's amazing!" I squealed with delight.**

"**I know. That's why I got it for you." he said with his seductive smirk before kissing me. "Happy Christmas, Hermione."**

**- - -**

**After break, nothing changed between Harry, Ron and I, although I often saw them reading their gifts during class. With teachers adding more homework on us in preparation of NEWTS, I had even less time with Draco. After two weeks of not having sex, we were both sexually frustrated but too tired to actually have sex. We'd finished rounds and fall in bed, asleep by the time our heads hit the pillows. Plus I was almost out of cigarettes. All the frustration had another effect too; we started arguing a lot. Any little thing could set us off; hogging the covers or leaving underwear on the floor. **

**One morning after sleeping in on a cold Saturday morning, I found Draco's clothes on the bathroom floor, which pissed me off.**

"**Will you get your bloody clothes off the floor?!" I shrieked rather harshly from the bathroom door.**

**Draco walked in from the common room and did just that before leaving quietly. I stripped quickly and stepped into the shower. As I let the water run down my back, I felt Draco's hands on my hips and his chest on my back. He kissed my neck sharply, for sure leaving a bite mark. I leaned back into him, rubbing my bum into his groin and making him groan. He pushed me softly towards the wall and as I leaned forward, he entered me.**

**He thrusted into me quickly and hard. His calloused hands kneaded my breasts, keeping up his rough pace. I pushed back into him, moaning with each thrust. After a few minutes, we both came together, ecstasy filling our bodies. We relaxed into each other, letting the waterfall onto our sweaty bodies.**

"**Oh, God. That was amazing." Draco breathed into my neck.**

**We washed up and spent the day lounging around, doing our homework. **

**As the next few weeks went by, we still fought, with all the stress of school and rounds burdening us, but it led to amazing sex. Although the sex was great, I was getting bored of spending all my time with Draco, but all my attempts of reconciling with Harry and Ron ended with me in tears. The worst happened the first week of February. I approached where Harry and Ron were eating at the Gryffindor table, walking slowly and nervously.**

"**Hi." I greeted them although they didn't even look up.**

"**Oh look, Ron. The mudblood's talking to us." Harry said, bringing tears to my eyes.**

"**You mean the lying, slutty mudblood?" Ron continued harshly.**

"**That one exactly, Ron." Harry said, while my tears were now freely falling.**

"**What is wrong with you guys?! I try and be your friend and you guys act like bloody gits!" I screamed before running out of the Great Hall, where my voice was still echoing.**

**I sprinted to the library, where I hid in the corner, my nose buried in a book I'd already read. My tears left splotches on the wrinkled, old pages, but I dried them with a wave of my wand. After an hour of no one finding me, I put eh book back and took a short cut back to the common room. Draco's door was closed, so I went to mine first, dumping my robe on the bed and stripping as I walked to the bathroom to shower.**

**After a long, hot shower, I put on a pair of shorts and a t-shirt before heading to Draco's room. He'd told me before not to knock so I just walked in.**

"**Hey, ba-" I started to say before I gasped.**

**Tears started to flow again as I assessed the scene before me. Draco was on top of another girl, both of them naked. She was trying to hide her face at the moment as Draco looked at me. Before he could speak, I bolted to my room, locking it. I spent the night smoking the last of my cigarettes, downing firewhiskey and contemplating suicide while Draco banged furiously at my door.**

"**Hermione! Please! Talk to me!"**


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six:**

**The next morning I was majorly hung over, but since it was Saturday, I slept in. After a quick pain relieving spell, my memory of the night before came back. I crawled out of bed, searching my desk for the necklace Draco had given me. On a piece of parchment, I broke up with him, as if it wasn't already known.**

_The joke's over. We're done._

_-Hermione_

**I sent that, along with the necklace, to his room and got dressed for lunch. I carefully snuck out of the common room to avoid Draco and then headed towards the Great Hall. I ate alone as usual, seeing as even the first years hated me. I avoided looking at the Slytherin table, afraid to see Draco. After eating quickly, I headed back up the common room, but ran into Draco.**

"**Hermione, please listen." he pleaded as I tried to get around him.**

"**Don't call me by my first name, Malfoy!"**

"**But I love you, Hermione! Please believe me!" he said frantically.**

"**Well go show your love by shagging more whores." I said before finally pushing past him, but he grabbed my arm.**

"**It was just once; I swear! I don't even know how it happened. I guess one thing lead to another."**

"**Then you should have realized it'd lead to this!" I yelled, wrenching my arm out of his hold.**

**I ignored his calls as I walked back to the common room. I smoked a quick cigarette and grabbed my bag to spend the day in the library. I skipped dinner and had another run in with Draco in the common room.**

"**Please forgive me, Hermione." he begged, practically on his knees in front of me.**

"**I'm not that stupid, Malfoy. Not Anymore." I yelled at him.**

"**It was the first, and last, time! I swear!"**

"**You can't promise that. It was fun while it lasted, Ferret."**

**I went into my room, slammed my door and quickly lit a cigarette. I need to get out; away from everything. I needed to see Jesse. Using my wand, I made a rope appear over my balcony. I quickly changed clothes and climbed down the rope. I practically sprinted to the gates and once I was in Hogsmeade, I Apparated to London.**

**It was pouring down rain as I ducked into the closest pub. I ordered a beer from the barkeeper and say at the table near the corner. Most of the others were guys. Actually, there were only two other women. I drank quietly, ignoring all the drunks staring at me.**

**After I was done, I stepped back into the rain and started towards Jesse's. I was soaked to the bone when I found his front door locked. I rang the doorbell for the first time in my life and waited, shivering in only my light jacket and jeans. After a few minutes, Jesse answered the door, half naked with an equally naked girl behind him.**

"**Oh." I managed to say before turning back into the rain.**

"**Mia! Wait!" Jesse called, stepping into the rain in just his boxers.**

"**No. I shouldn't have come. You did exactly what I told you to do." I called over my shoulder, which he grabbed onto, spinning me around.**

"**I still love you, Mia. She's just some random girl. Hell I don't even know her name. Come inside. Please." he pleaded.**

"**I can't. I'm sorry I came. I love you, Jesse." I whispered before running away, crying.**

**I ran to the playground and collapsed near the swings. Nothing was as it used to be. It was done; my friendships, my family, my relationships. I had finally self destructed; my life was crashing down around me. I sat on the swings and contemplated everything.**

**Was it worth it anymore? Should I continue living in a destroyed world with my destroyed life?**

**After a few moments on the swing, I decided to go 'home'. I walked in the rain, through the dark streets of London to my old apartment. I climbed the fire escape to my old window. With little difficulty, I opened it from the outside and climbed in. I dried myself off with my wand before looking around. I was just as I had left it; a bit messy from my sudden uprooting. I could actually still hear my mum's voice ringing from the walls. It seemed as if they hadn't even been inside the room since I had left. I slowly walked to my desk, sat down and magicced myself some parchment and a quill.**

_Mum and Dad,_

_I just wanted to apologize for any grief or pain I've caused you. That'll all be over soon though. Life's gotten too hard; I ruined it all. I wish I had a Time Turner again to go back and change it, but I can't, so I might as well just end it. I won't inflict anymore pain. I know this is the wrong answer, but for once, I'm tired of being the smart girl with all the answers. I love you._

_-Hermione Anne Granger_

**I finished my goodbye note, tears silently falling from my eyes. I took one last look at my bedroom and Apparated to Hogsmeade. I walked slowly up to the gate to Hogwarts, rethinking what I was considering doing. It was the only way I could think of; I was broken and unloved and I couldn't live like that. I snuck onto the grounds and back to my rope. With a lot of effort, I climbed back up.**

**Back in my room, I was about to walk to the bathroom when I heard Draco trying to open my locked door.**

"**Hermione! Open up this god damn door!" he cried.**

**I ignored it, grabbed my chest of drugs and locked myself in the bathroom. I was smoking my last cigarette while taking out my bottle of small white pills; ecstasy. I finished my cigarette and sat on the toilet with a piece of parchment and a quill.**

_To anyone who'll listen:_

_Goodbye. This is for the best._

_To Draco:_

_I really did love you; I just wish you'd have loved me too._

_To Harry and Ronald:_

_I'm sorry. You like my brothers. I'm sorry I hurt you, ever._

_Love,_

_Hermione Anne Granger_

**I reread it several times, tears falling again. I stood and walked to the counter where my pills and silver razor blade were waiting. I put the parchment down and slowly raised the bottle to my mouth, jumping slightly as I heard Draco banging on my bathroom door now, trying to break through the locking charms I placed on it. I started crying freely as I swallowed the pills and lifted up my razorblade. I was already starting to feel weak as the blade sliced through the skin on my wrist.**

**Draco was now attempting to blast down the door as I started to fall. The last thing I remembered was Draco finally opening the door, but then I felt my head hit the cold floor.**

**---**

**Why is it that people don't start to care until it's too late? Only when you hit rock bottom do they see all the signs and clues you've been stringing along for them. **

**That's why I'm laying here in St. Mungo's, having my body drained of the drugs I overdosed on and the cuts on my wrists magically salved. It took them years to realize I was in self destruct mode. My best friends had failed to realize that I no longer wanted to live and I was doing all I could to end my life.**

**Maybe it would have been different had my parents shown a bit more love. Maybe it would have been different had my best friends not been so keen on ignoring me. Maybe it would have been different had I not given my fragile heart to a boy.**

**--- **

**I slowly, almost painfully, opened my swollen eyes, wincing at the bright lights of the hospital. I tried to sit up but a tired voice stopped me.**

"**Oh God, Hermione! You're awake!"**

**I moved my head towards the voice and glared at Draco. He was walking towards me, but I turned away when he reached my side.**

"**Hermione, you scared the living shit out of me! Please don't ever leave me." he begged, grasping onto my hand.**

"**Don't you get it, Malfoy?! We're over. Done. Finished." I said, my shaky voice growing stronger.**

"**Please, no! I love you Hermione. I really do. I can't believe you think I don't."**

"**Because you cheated on me!"**

"**I found a way to explain that." he pleaded.**

"**You don't need to explain. I get it."**

"**No you don't!" he roared, his hoarse voice scaring me. "I found two people who planned it all; two people who wanted us to hurt." he said, his voice soft again.**

**I turned over and saw him open the door, revealing a very sad and pacing Harry and Ron.**

"**Harry? Ron?" I managed to say.**

"**Hermione!" they both cried before practically sprinting to me, but is topped them with my hand.**

"**We're really sorry, Mia." Harry pleaded.**

"**We really are! We swear." Ron added.**

"**For what exactly?" I asked, sitting up.**

"**For everything. Ignoring you." Ron started.**

"**Abandoning you."**

"**Starting rumors."**

"**Our mean words."**

"**Spiking Malfoy's pumpkin juice with a love potion…"**

"**So he'd cheat on you…"**

**I looked at Draco, my mouth wide open, but he was looking down."**

"**Mia, you shouldn't be sorry. Ron and I should be, and believe me, we are."**

"**We should have accepted you because you are our sister, whether you like it or not."**

**I was crying now and Draco was stoking my healed arms softly.**

"**You do realize we have to keep an eye on you now."**

"**We have to keep you safe, with us."**

"**Of course. Thanks for coming back to me."**

"**Thank you for the wake up call."**

**I hugged them both before the left, leaving me alone with a rather smug Draco.**

"**Okay. I'm sorry I wouldn't listen to you." I said, breaking the silence after five minutes.**

"**I can't say I wouldn't have been the same." he said before leaning down and giving me a breathtaking kiss; the same as the one that I fell in love with months before.**

**Suddenly the door burst open, revealing my frantic parents.**

"**Hermione! My god!"**

"**We were so scared!"**

**Both of them hugged me before glaring at me.**

"**How could you do that!? Why would you try to kill yourself!?" my mum screamed at me. "You've messed some things up, but suicide is NEVER EVER the answer!"**

**I nodded feebly, holding onto Draco's hand. My mother hugged me again and all three stayed with me through the night. I had found out that in the three days I wasn't conscience, Draco never left my side.**

**---**

**A week later, I returned to Hogwarts. It's both funny and sad how famous you become amongst your peers for trying to kill yourself. Everyone was friendly again and cautious of what they said. I also had to watch as Draco destroyed what was left of my stash, but each night he held me close to him and I realized he was my addiction. **

**The only people who had no sympathy what so ever were the teachers. To them, it was still NEWTS time, whether or not you were suicidal. Ron, Harry and I studied together again, just like old times, much to Draco's displeasure though. It seemed life was good again.**

**I was off of self destruct mode.**

**_THE END_  
**


	8. Crash and Burn

Author's Note:

I've started a sequel! The first chapter of Crash and Burn is posted at the moment!

I'm not quite sure where it's headed at the moment, but I'm going to try and make it a bit longer than Self Destruct, but no promises.

Summary: Sequel to 'Self Destruct'! Hermione has spent years getting help, both from her fiancé, Draco Malfoy, and physiatrists, and she's be clean for a while now. But every once in a while she gets an urge; and its getting harder to fight them.


End file.
